Not all me
by LuKEN
Summary: Alternative ending and some kind of closure for Jack and Nina in season 3, episode 12:0013:00.


**Not all me

* * *

**

Jack lifted his hands and backed away from Ramon who was aiming at him now. No, he really didn't need him anymore and all CTU needed was the virus. The delta team had to get there every moment but they wouldn't make it in time to stop Ramon from shooting him. At least the virus would be secured, he thought and squeezed his eyes shut.

"But to show my gratitude for everything you've done today," he heard Ramon's mocking voice, "I'll grant you a small consolation."

Opening his eyes, Jack stared at Ramon who explained, "A last favor, Jack, as a friend." And still facing Jack, he moved his arm and let his gun find a new target.

-x-

Chase pulled his finger off the trigger just in time. It was more an instinct than anything else but he didn't know what to do. Should he still shoot or wait for the back-up to arrive? A second ago he hadn't hesitated, but now he wasn't sure anymore. Now it wasn't Jack's life on the line anymore.

-x-

Nina saw the gun swinging around to aim at her and knew what was to come.

"I won't let you die without knowing the death of your wife has been avenged."

Hearing Ramon speaking the words she turned her head to look at Jack and their eyes locked just the same instance the bullet hit her. The next thing she knew she was on the ground, the voices seemed to come from far away and it took her brain a few moments to catch up with her ears.

"You don't have to thank me, Jack," she heard Ramon say. "It was the least I could do for you after everything we've been through."

She tried to move her head just enough to see either one of them but she couldn't. Her heart was beating a staccato in her chest, trying to handle the sudden rush of blood to a wrong destination, and her lungs just didn't seem willing to hold enough air. She knew she was in pain, but she couldn't feel it.

"Time to say goodbye," Ramon continued and she could only anticipate that the gun was aiming at Jack again. Then hell broke loose around her.

-x-

Instinctively, Jack ducked down to seek cover. Around him Ramon's men were going down one by one and he managed to grab a gun off of one of the bodies. He saw Ramon trying to take off with the virus and wanted to go after him, but he didn't have to go far. Ramon was just about to disappear into the woods when a bullet hit him and threw him to the ground. Taking a sharp breath, Jack slowed down and stopped. He knew he should get the virus, but something was holding him back. And while he was still wondering what that was and struggling with himself to move forward and towards Ramon, the delta team moved in. Two men were already on their way to Ramon. They would collect the virus, Jack wasn't needed anymore. Catching his breath, he turned back around to see if Chase was anywhere near, when his eyes fell on Nina.

-x-

She could feel the fluids in her lungs and every breath was a struggle that seemed to take all her strength. Her heart had slowed down now and she still wasn't in pain. Instead everything felt kind of light and soft, if at all. She had no feeling left in her legs and wasn't sure if she could lift her arms if she would bother trying.

The shooting had stopped and even though she still couldn't move and her field of vision was limited to the piece of Mexican sky above her, she knew how it had ended. She could hear the delta team moving in, the brief commands and responds that were so familiar. Somewhere close, she heard the sound of a weapon getting kicked away and she knew they were making sure Ramon's men were not a threat anymore. They would come to check on her as well. _Not much left to check though_, she thought.

She heard someone approaching her and closed her eyes, focusing on taking the next breath and the one after that while she felt him kneeling beside her.

"We got one alive here but she's -" she heard the voice and finished his sentence in her mind. _But she's in a pretty bad shape. _

Slowly she opened her eyes and found he was gone, a second before Jack moved into her field of vision, standing over her, looking down. And she tried to keep breathing just a little longer.

-x-

He hesitated for a second, but then he kneeled down next to her, taking the place of the agent he had sent off silently. He had known the shape Nina was in already, he had seen where the bullet from Ramon's gun had hit her. And the fact that she hadn't even tried to move since then - if there was at least one thing about Nina Myers that he had come to understand over those past years then it was that she would never give up. Not unless she had to. Not unless she didn't have a choice anymore.

He let his eyes wander over her body, briefly examining the wound in her chest and the paleness to her flesh before he met her eyes. Getting down on his knees he let go off his gun, dropping it into the sandy dirt. He could have placed it in her hand and she wouldn't have been a threat to him anymore.

Their eyes locked and she gave him a look that wasn't hard to read.

_I told you so._

-x-

Their eyes locked and she couldn't help but think, _I told you he would kill us both as soon as he got he virus. I told you this was going to happen. But I guess you knew that all along._

He must have had the same thought and she was a bit surprised when she discovered something in his eyes... She had expected him to be satisfied and already started to regret showing such weakness, but instead she couldn't detect any trace of satisfaction or contentment at all. He seemed mostly tired and...sad?

She felt how she began running out of air, and once again it took her brain a few moments to realize the weird sound she heard was the gurgling in her lungs, quickly filling up with blood. The thought of drowning had never appealed to her and she only hoped her heart would stop beating before it would come to the worst.

She blinked the thought away and focused on Jack again. He was tired and worn down but there was indeed more to it. She saw a range of emotions washing over him and understood, but it couldn't prepare her for his next move.

-x-

She was dying. They both knew it. It would finally be over.

He would have expected relief, satisfaction, some kind of happiness even, but now he found himself struggling with emotions and memories that he thought had left him a long time ago, never to come back again. For a moment he tried to fight it but soon gave up. What did it matter? She would be gone any moment.

Sighing from the bottom of his heart, he got off his knees and into a sitting position right by her side. And realizing this would be their last moment together he grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her head into his lap. He would spend the rest of his life wondering why but this very moment it just seemed the only thing left to do.

Hesitantly and still a bit appalled, he stroked a strand of hair out of her pale face, letting his hand rest somewhere on the back of her head.

_I hate you_. He wanted to tell her. _I hate you for everything you did to me and you deserve nothing less than this. Even death is still too good for you. _But of course he kept quiet, like he always did with her, knowing he wouldn't be able to voice all the thoughts running through his mind.

_Why? I never understood why. Don't I at least deserve an answer to that?_

-x-

She could read the struggle in his face, the questions on his mind. And knowing it was all over she considered answering, but she knew her breathe wouldn't last all the way through so she didn't bother wasting it.

"Sometimes you wonder," she said, noticing her voice was so faint he had to lean closer to understand her. "Sometimes you wonder if it's worth it."

He looked at her with puzzlement and she knew he wasn't following but he would understand eventually.

"What?" he asked.

"Fighting," she coughed. "Surviving. Going on." She knew she didn't have much time left. "Look where it got both of us."

-x-

_You got us here_, he wanted to yell at her. _It's all your fault. _But he knew it wasn't. He had held her responsible for most of the things that had happened to him, what had become of him. But this very moment he could no longer deny what he deep inside already knew, had known for a long time. It wasn't all her.

"I hate you," he stated, if only to remind himself of who was the enemy. But he couldn't stop his hand from clutching another strand of her hair, trying to hold on to something.

She smiled. Her typical, sarcastic, mocking smile with that sense of superiority to it.

"I know," he could only guess she had been trying to say when her body went into convulsions and she started to cough up blood, leaving her mouth in thin deep-red runlets.

From the corner of his eye he saw her hand moving, trying to hold on to something, and without thinking about it he took it and held it in his, letting her fingers clasp his.

-x-

Chase had made his way down as quickly as he could and he wasn't sure what exactly he had been expecting to find, but this was definitely not it. From a distance that ensured a certain privacy to Jack, he watched him – how he was holding the murderer of his wife in his arms, comforting her while she was dying. He had always known that there were parts of Jack that he would never be able to grasp but this was beyond any understanding to him. And he better made sure Kim would never hear about this, he thought when he saw Jack reaching out to support Nina's shaking body by holding her hand.

-x-

Her life didn't stop taking weird turns, she thought as the cramps in her chest died down and she noticed her hand in his. _Interesting turns._

She blinked once more before returning to his eyes, satisfied with the thought that it would be the last ones she would ever set her own on.

"I hate you," he repeated but his voice was almost as faint and frail as hers now.

"I hate you too, Jack," she replied with a sigh, feeling the moment had come. "Guess we're even."

She managed to stay with him a moment longer, just long enough to see the bafflement in his expression, and she couldn't but smile, right before her heart ultimately stopped answering its purpose - keeping her alive.

-x-

Her features hinted to another one of those smiles and he almost felt the familiar rage coming back to him at the thought that she was laughing at him. But her time was up and for a second her eyes widened and her features distorted before her expression went back to what it had been earlier. When she had broken their kiss for the first time. _I'm sorry, Jack. _A soft whisper with a touch of honesty, and for a moment he had thought she had been apologizing for the past. And it had been the last thing he had wanted to hear that very moment.

Now she gave him that same look, just for an instance, and then closed her eyes before letting the last air streaming out of her. As if she wanted that very last moment all for herself. He knew it was over when her fingers stopped embracing his and her hand slid out of his. He let her go.

He swallowed and let his gaze leave her for a second only to return again. Running a hand through her hair for the last time, watching her features relax and rest, dark brown and red against white, hardness against softness, determination meeting release - he felt something inside of him dissolve and again he had to swallow and shake his head to avoid... .

_Guess we're even. _

He swallowed. _No. We're not. _

Carefully he took her head into his hands and lifted her off his lap and back onto the ground. This had never been how he had imagined it would end and he would never have imagined it would be this hard to take his eyes off of her and turn around and walk away.

_Get up_, he was just telling himself when he noted the screams and the yelling around him. When the explosion went off, he could only throw himself to the ground, instinctively turning his head around as if to check on her. Of course realization hit him the same instance and he squeezed his eyes shut and waited a second before he jumped to his feet.

"What the hell happened?" he yelled.


End file.
